Yesterday I walked back by the twins old room and saw it was occupied again. The parents had put up "street signs" for each of their girls. I felt a little guilty when I saw that. We had been told that the room was ours to decorate as well but other than the sock monkeys I bought the first day and two crosses and two balloons that were brought by friends we had done no decorating. So, last night I made a note to start bringing in some decorations for Hailey's room. We started small with the music box that flowers for Christine had been delivered in.
Today Christine walked back by the old room. (There is a bathroom near the room; we are not just aimlessly walking the halls.) The room is empty. We are not allowed to ask about the other babies in the NICU so we will never know for sure, but we can only assume that at least one of the girls did not make it. There is a lot of joy but scattered pain within the walls of the NICU.
Turning to the joy, I got to hold Hailey for the first time tonight. She was squirming at first like a little puppy, the only analogy I have from personal experience. Within a few minutes she calmed down but kept her eyes open for most of the hour. Her nurses say at this point her vision is mostly light vs. dark. She also moved her right hand back and forth on my chest for most of the time. Holding her was only scary when I allowed myself to look at the monitors and could see her lines bouncing all over the place. Her nurse was watching the same monitors through the window and was not concerned at all. Next time I'll try not to watch the monitors.
Our day away from the hospital was filled with Christine overdoing it around the house with laundry and my putting together the program for the funeral. I created it about ten different ways in my mind and at least a few ways on the computer before deciding to call it quits and take what I had to Kinko's and be done.
